Testimony to Empowered

What to say.

Can I really put into words the experience of being the play Empowered?

I don’t think I can. But I am going to try.

Right from the very start I struggled with the decision of whether or not to participate in the TTA/Staff show this year at STP. When I went to auditions I found that it was all TTA’s and hardly any staff. I was nervous as I did not want the kids to feel like I was invading their play. I was one of the few people not in their teens or 20’s. I felt a little better with Dean Stoltz in the play but I still struggled. I initially wanted to do lights for the show. Natalie came to me one day and asked me what I preferred to do if I had a choice. Now I have loved theater since I was a very little girl so answering that question was easy. I enjoy being on the stage, so I told her that. It all worked out because she had a much more experienced lighting person in mind for the show. He did an amazing job that I could not have even come close to.

I prayed about it and God gave me a clear answer that I was right where he wanted me to be. He obviously wanted me to learn some things from being in the cast. That turned out to be gross understatement. The play taught me so much and has really changed my life. I could not have learned all of these lessons, except by being right where God placed me, in the cast.

From the start of the rehearsals we were encouraged to read the book of Acts and read the book, Forgotten God by Francis Chan. I did read Forgotten God and read through Acts twice, well almost twice. I read it once without a notebook by my side. I just read it like you would read a story. I was so impressed with how the play followed the book of Acts so closely. A lot of the lines that the New Testament cast said was right from scripture. The Bible was literally being put on the stage. I got even more excited after reading the book of Acts.

I then read Forgotten God by Francis Chan. I was so impressed and brought out a lot of things about the Holy Spirit that I had never even thought about. I grew up in a very strict Southern Baptist church where the Holy Spirit was almost considered a bad word. If anyone came to our church and said “Amen” too loudly or raised their hands or stared moving to the music everyone would turn around and look. I was taught that the Holy Spirit lives in us, but I was taught nothing of the power He has or can have on our life.

When I read Forgotten God and the book of Acts I was astonished at the fact that the same Holy Spirit that lived in the New Testament people is the same Holy Spirit that lives in me. I have always wondered at how to lead a victorious Christian life. I have had times in my walk following Jesus where I have felt like I was but then I have also had times where I felt He was very distant. I have always desired a walk with the Lord that was vibrant and flourishing. I have met people for whom this was true, but I could not figure out why I felt like I was in a rut spiritually.

It was through reading Acts and studying the Holy Spirit that I was reminded that I have the Holy Spirit in me. As a follower of Jesus Christ that is guaranteed to me. The problem was that I have been quenching the Holy Spirit for so many years and outright telling Him “no.” To me he was just a being that existed in me that I would call out to once in a while when I was in trouble. I had Him living inside me, but I was the one who was not letting His power flow through me and out of me.

Like I said, there have been times where I have been flourishing in my walk following the Lord. Right before I had got pregnant with Asa was like that. I truly felt the Holy Spirit working in my life. I knew that he was preparing me for a great work. I did not know what that great work was, but I had no idea what he was going to take me through to get me to that point. Then after the miscarriage I went into deep depression for a few weeks. It was after those few weeks that I came out the other side truly walking in the power of the Holy Spirit.

I have walked closer to God than I ever have in the last few years but still felt like there was more. More power. More to do. Just More. I craved it. I desired it. I could not figure out what it was. That was until Empowered. It was about half way through Empowered that I started reading the book of Acts for the second time. This time I felt the Lord guiding me to read it more in depth and with a notebook by my side.

For those of you who know me well, you know that I am almost never without at least one notebook and my bag of pens. I have a problem with pens and notebooks. I am kind of obsessed. My kids joke about it and tease me. When I started reading it the second time Carl and I were at a marriage retreat in Myrtle Beach. For those of you who don’t know me well, let me tell you that the ocean is my favorite place to be. I have always felt inspired to write when I am at the beach. It is something about the sound of the waves and sunshine. Less distractions. I love the sunsets as it reminds me that the Lord’s mercies are new every morning. I love the ocean. When we were at the retreat I woke up early every morning and would go out to the pool. I would sit there and read Acts and listen to the sound of the ocean. Each morning I got through 2 chapters before the Lord would impress on me to write about what I had read. It was incredible. It was during that trip that the Lord started to reveal to me that I was quenching the Holy Spirit by not obeying something He had led me to do.

You see, since the time I was a young girl, words have been my thing. I love words. I love to type them and physically write them down on paper. I love the look of a page filled with words. I especially love when I turn a blank page in my journal and have a whole new blank page to fill. I love words. I have been writing since I could pick up a crayon. My mom has poetry that I wrote for her when I was like 5 or 6. Words have always been my love.

For several years the Lord has been telling me to write. A lot. I have had times where I did. I started a blog and would write in it every now and then mostly about what the kids were doing. Stuff about how I spent my days. I also have written poetry for a while. For the past two years though He has just been impressing on me to write more and to let people read what He led me to write. I have not followed through. This past year I have not been able to ignore the leading of the Lord. Everywhere I go I see it and hear it. It has been very loud.

For so long I have not wanted to have anyone read what I wrote because of fear of man. What would they think about it? Would they agree? Would they think I was crazy? What if they did not like what I wrote? I really struggled with it due to several circumstances where I said some things I should not have and had to go back and apologize. Several friendships were damaged due to people talking and saying things they should not have. I was hurt. I walked away from people for several months. I had such a fear of man. The Lord slowly led me out of that pit into new freedom.

Freedom that as long as I am obedient to what the Lord would have me write I will face people who get offended.  That is guaranteed. A lot of people don’t want to hear what the Lord is saying to anyone. He gives me the power, through the Holy Spirit, to obey Him rather than the fear of what men can do or say to me. That is the power of the Holy Spirit. And I was quenching it. But no longer.

I cannot allow the what ifs and maybes of this world keep me from what God has called me to do. And He has called me to use my words. Written words. I remember when I was getting ready to make my blog public. I literally had my hand over the mouse and almost had a panic attack. I had such fear of what others would think of what I wrote.

This experience in Empowered has solidified the fact that I need to be obedient to what the Holy Spirit is trying to tell me. I just keep thinking about when Natalie read the Fellowship of the Unashamed. It shook me.

I just kept reading it over and over again. The last part really got to me.

I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the

presence of adversity, negotiate at the table of the enemy,

ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander

in the maze of mediocrity. 

I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I must go until

Heaven returns, give until I drop, preach until all know,

and work until He comes. And when He comes to get

His own, He will have no problem recognizing me.

My colors will be clear.

I just cannot get these words out of my mind. God keeps leading me back to them. There is also a quote by David Brainerd that I keep seeing everywhere. “I want to wear out my life in His service, and for His glory.” David Brainerd literally gave his life serving the Lord.


Emma Bombeck said, “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and I could say, ‘I used everything you gave me.’”


That is my prayer for my life. I no longer want to use the excuse of tiredness or fear.  I want to spend my life serving God. There should be no retirement in the Christian’s life. Up to our last breath we should be proclaiming the gospel of Jesus Christ. And the only way to do that is through the power of the Holy Spirit.

That is what Empowered has taught me. That whatever God calls me to do, the Holy Spirit will equip me with His power and strength to do it. And when I am obedient to what he has called me to I will receive such peace and JOY. On this journey to Joy that I am on I have found that the closer I get to God the more the JOY in me bubbles out and touches lives all around me. I want to be known as a women who loves the Lord and walks with Him and exudes JOY and brings glory and honor to the Lord.