A Letter to my Daughter
I wrote this Sunday afternoon after a rough morning between my sweet daughter and I. I asked her permission to post this.
November 19, 2017
Letter to my daughter
Dearest Daughter,
I want to express to you how much I love you. I prayed for
you for many years before you were born. I remember growing up and wanting to
have a daughter. When I grew up and my sisters and my mom became my best
friends I desired to have that relationship with my own daughter. After 3 boys
I thought that God may never give me that desire. When I found out I was
pregnant with you I was so overjoyed. Finally, I would have another woman in
the house. I looked forward to the days when we could talk into the night about
girly things and we could go shopping for clothes and girl stuff.
After three more boys born into our family I remember you
coming to me and crying that you wanted a sister. I had been praying for that
too. I so desired you to have a sister to talk to and go places with and dress
up. We two began praying in earnest that God would bless us with another girl
in our family. I remember that day when we handed you the baby bag filled with
blue tissue paper. You looked so heartbroken until you found the pink dress and
pajamas at the bottom of the bag. You cried and laughed at the same time and so
did I.
When your sister was born I watched you love on her. You
became her little mommy. You changed her diaper and dressed her and played with
her. She became your little shadow, sometimes much to your annoyance. You love
her so much and she loves you with all her heart. You two don’t just look
alike, your personalities are so similar. I watch your little sister and I can
remember you doing the same things when you were her age. You both laugh the
same and walk the same. It is kind of uncanny. She is truly your sister.
I have watched you grow into young womanhood and I knew that
we could be entering some turbulent times. Being a woman, I can relate to the
uncontrollable emotions that can happen on a day to day basis in your teen
years. I remember thinking that I was crazy. I would be fine one moment and the
next moment I would be a raging lunatic. I don’t know how Baba did it with 2
teenage girls and 1 preteen girl in the house. She probably often envied Pop
Pop who got to go to work. He got to escape but she had to stay home and deal
with all the girly emotions that raged in our house.
This morning was one of those morning where the emotions
were raging in our house. I know this was a rough week for you. It has been for
all of us for different reasons. This morning I think things just came to head.
We both said some things that we did not mean. You got angry at me and I got
angry at you. It was a morning where we did not show the love of Christ to each
other or any of our family for that matter.
I tried to talk to you, but you were not ready to talk. When
you were ready to talk and reconcile, I was angry at you for not being nice
that I was not nice. I wanted to talk and get things straight before the church
service, but you did not want to talk to me. I could not concentrate during the
sermon because I knew I had to get things right with you. I ended up not taking
communion this morning because I knew that I had to get things right with you.
I came over during communion to give you a hug and you still were not ready to
talk. I got very upset at that point. I had to leave the building to go calm
down. I got angry at you and started acting the very same way you had to me.
Mature, I know.
Audible sigh here. I was so frustrated, and it did not help
that your sister was misbehaving in church and one brother would not sit up in his chair and the other brother wanted me to give him a different colored pen every 5 seconds. The Lord
was good though because he allowed your sweet sister to fall asleep for a while, so I
could sing and listen to the sharing time. To be honest though, I was still
angry with you. That anger grew until when you were ready to talk to me after
the fellowship meal, I let you have it.
For that I am truly sorry. My heart is grieved that our
relationship was strained this morning. I never want there to be a time where
you cannot come and talk to me. My dearest daughter, I love you more than life
itself and I want to help you navigate these years to grow into a young woman
who honors Christ in all she does and says. I want you to be a woman who loves
God and serves Him. I did not show you a good example this morning.
My dear one, sometimes I think that as your mother, I often
forget that we are BOTH children of the King of Kings and we are BOTH
I do not want our relationship to be strained ever. You have
always been able to come to be about things you have been struggling with. I
love that we have such a good relationship. Your hugs after we have had a day
where things have been strained are some of my favorite moments as a mother.
You are truly a wonderful daughter and I see such strength in you. I see your
desire to seek after the Lord and I am so proud of you.
I want to be there to encourage you and love on you and make
our relationship one that truly honors God. That is my desire. To see you walk
in truth and walk that path with you.
You are so special to me. You are an answer to pray. You are
a gift from God. He has given you so many great gifts to use to bring Him
glory. I cannot wait to see where He takes you on your life journey. I will be
there cheering on the sidelines. Loudly and often. Even if you find it
embarrassing.
I know that we will most likely have more mornings and afternoons
and evenings like we did this morning. I want you to know that I love you,
infinity and beyond. There is nothing that you can say or do that will cause me
to stop loving you or have that love lessen even a tiniest amount. Please
understand though that I am just a sinner saved by grace and that I will never
be a perfect mother. I will have to seek your forgiveness again. Probably many
times.
I want this to be declaration of how proud I am of you. You
are growing into a pretty spectacular woman. I look forward to the day when our
relationship moves from mother/daughter to best friend. We are on our way.
On those days when I have to discipline and instruct you and
we clash please know that I have your best interest at heart and that I only
want to see you become the woman of God that I see in you already. I have to be
obedient to the Lord in being your mother first and your friend next. There
will be times where I will have to correct you and instruct you. I do this
because I am trying to follow after Christ and seek to honor Him in being a
good mother to you.
You are meant to do great things for the Lord. I am so proud
of you and love you more than any words in any language can express.
Love,
Your sinful mother
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