No Coincidences

October 23, 2017

I truly believe that there is no such thing as coincidences.

I believe with all my heart that everything in my life is divinely orchestrated by a loving God for my good and His glory.

That means that the blessings that he gives me should cause me to thank Him and live a life that pleases Him.

It also means that the dark days – the days where I cry and sin and repent and do it again, the days where I lose things precious to me – are also for my good, even when I cannot see it.

The idea of a tapestry keeps coming to my mind again and again.

When making a tapestry the back, that we can see, is a jumbled mess of strings and threads. It is only when we turn it around to see the front that the jumbled mess becomes a beautiful masterpiece.

I like to think of my life like this. All during my time in this earthly realm I am being worked on by God. God is making me into a beautiful tapestry. I do not know the end result. Sometimes I cannot see past the hurts and the sorrows to see the magnificent masterpiece that is slowly coming together. Sometimes I get a glimpse at how God is bringing all the events of my life together to be a masterpiece. Other times I cannot see the blessings that will come out of the sorrow and pain in my life. I need to trust and have faith that every little detail of my life, the good and the bad, is necessary to make my life into the masterpiece that God wants.

When we lost Asa there was no way that I could believe that God could use it for my good and His glory. I wanted my baby boy in my arms. I ached for it. I went into a deep depression because I just could not see anything but a pile of jumbled threads and strings. Now, two and half years later I weep for JOY at the journey God has taken me and my family on as a result of that deep loss.

When I stand on stage and worship God in song I am amazed at where He has taken me. I never thought I would be doing theater again, let alone watching my children and husband come along beside me and serve in this area of ministry too. God has given me so much more than I ever thought He could. I have watched God blossom in the life of my 17 year old son, so much more than I ever thought. It is all because of the learning and growing our family discovered after losing Asa. We would not be where we are today without the learning time that came after his loss.

I never knew that such JOY and growth could come from despair and loss. Do I still wish to hold that little boy in my arms? Yes. I miss him every day. Did I truly believe that having Asa would be the better thing? Absolutely. But God has taught me through his loss that sometimes God withholds what we think is the better thing because he has the Best thing waiting for us just around the corner.

I will always love our sweet Asa. I will remember him until my dying breath. I have learned though that without the learning time that his loss brought me to I would not be where I am today. So much growth occurred. I got closer to God than I ever had in all my life. I had to. I could not handle Asa’s loss on my own. God DOES give us things that we cannot handle so that we have nowhere to go but to Him.

During that time of deep depression I was brought me to my knees. It was the lowest place I had ever been in my life. I remember being in my closet lying flat on the ground crying and sobbing. I could hear the sounds of my children coming and asking if I was okay. I was not and knew I would never be the same again. I felt betrayed by God. This was not the deal we had made. I told Him that I could not handle this. And I couldn’t. God rescued me when I was my lowest point. HE was there. He sent women into my life who spoke truth and just loved on me. Instead of telling me that everything was going to be okay, they just wept with me and hugged me. They served me by bringing me meals. They took care of me and prayed with me. God sent them to start the healing process in my life. A glimmer of hope in a dark pit. It was through their listening to the Holy Spirit that I began to heal.

I am here today sitting at this computer writing because of what God taught me through that time and all the other times in my life where I had dark days.

Oh my. This has totally not gone the way I thought it would. I did not set out to write about Asa this morning but I guess God had other plans. Whenever my writing takes a different track than I thought I never go back and delete. It is in these times of writing from my heart that I realize that there may be some other person who needs to hear exactly what God has laid on my heart. It is nothing of my own but only what God does through me. He gets all the glory.

I set out this morning to talk about the new Bible study I am doing on Philippians. It is all about choosing JOY, which became the journey God sent me on after losing Asa. That is why this blog is called Operation: Asa Joy. I also started a new journal today from Lara Casey. It is called Write the Word and she has ones that focus on different subjects. The ones I chose was the one she made on, you guessed it, JOY. That is why I said that there are no coincidences. God has me right where he wants me to be. Learning exactly what HE wants me to learn.

Your tapestry may not look good right now. It may be a jumbled mess of threads and strings and colors. You may not be able to see how your mess could ever look like a masterpiece. I want you to know that one day God is going to turn over the tapestry and reveal the beautiful masterpiece that He was working on in your life. You will then see how all the bad days, hard times, trials, and tribulations intertwined with all the joys, celebrations, victories, and good days worked together to bring about the wonderful masterpiece that you are.

Lean on Him always. Draw near to Him during the good days and the bad. He always has the BEST thing in store for you even if you have to go through loss to get there. Trust Him and believe that He is working out everything for your good and His glory.

And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

Philippians 1:6