Transparent Tuesday - Just In Time

 I love how God gives me words of encouragement just when I need it.

I have been struggling with pain in my right wrist, neck and back. My pain seems to be so much worse on the right side of my body. Ever since the weather got cooler, my pain levels have been increasing every day. We have been under quarantine so I have not even been able to see my doctor. And finding a doctor who will listen has been so discouraging. 

I went to Rheumatologist this summer only to be told my numbers aren't bad enough yet and there was nothing he could do for me. I asked if I was just supposed to live in pain every day and he said to just take ibuprofen. I laughed at him and then started to cry. For those who live with pain every day you know that taking ibuprofen is like taking candy.  It does not really do anything. 

Every time I do go to my regular doctor they prescribe me strong painkillers. I guard those things and only take it when I absolutely have to because they only give me 20 at a time. I normally take them after not being able to sleep for a week because of the pain. It takes me about 6 months to go through those 20 pills. 

I love to write and so my wrist being in pain is a big hinderance. I love the feel of a pen against paper so I write a lot by hand. I also type a lot on my computer. Taking care of my family and homeschooling means that I use my hands for other things too. Recently I have been waking up with my hands and wrist hurting and just getting worse throughout the day. I have had to use all my pain creams and TENS unit to function. I also soak in a hot Epsom salt bath every night. 

It can be frustrating and discouraging. Sometimes I just need to lie down to rest so I can get up and fix dinner. This past few weeks have been very discouraging because I have wanted to do lots of writing while we have been doing less because of the holidays and then quarantine but my body seems to be saying no. It is hard to figure out when to rest and when to push through and just work through the pain. I have been praying for God's direction in what to do. Sometimes he does lead me to rest and that is okay. I do not need to feel guilty because I can't do something or my list of things I want to accomplish does not get done. I do not need to cross out everything on my to do list.

I was feeling discouraged this morning because I had to take a pain pill last night to get some relief from the pain. I opened the bottle and discovered I had five pills left. Normally when I take a pill I feel so much better because my body got the rest it needed. This morning I woke up to my wrist feeling better but my neck and back hurt badly. I just wanted to go back to sleep and not do anything. 

I got up anyway and went out to the kitchen to do my devotions. I was encouraged by what I read in the Charles Spurgeon devotional that I am using for this year. This is what it said.

"Some saints are called to bear great physical pain. 

How sweet to feel that if God has sent diseases to your home He has made them a chariot in which blessings have been brought to you. 

There are seas of suffering that the sufferer must navigate alone. No other sail is in sight. Scan the horizon and nothing is seen but wave after wave. Now is your hour for faith in the great Lord, who holds even lonely seas in the hollow of His hand (Is. 40:12). He knows your poor body, and He permits it to be frail. He permits your heart to tremble because He will glorify Himself in His tenderness to your weakness. He will make you strong.

JEHOVAH ROPHI is His name: 'The Lord who heals you.' Give yourself to Him, and you will yet sing of His lovingkindness and tender mercies."

Charles Spurgeon