January 1, 2017
Don't you just love the new year? It always leads me to reflection and memories. I am so thankful that I have been in the habit of writing things down. It is truly a blessing to go back and look at where I have come and where I once was. The new year always leads me to make resolutions to change. It causes me to start on a path to make new habits that honor God.
I think we all have the best intentions at the beginning of the New Year. It seems like by the second week of January most of us have forgotten those decisions we made. I know that it is something that I have always struggled with. I make this big list of things to do or things I want to do. I think the most that I have done is a few months. That is actually good compared to most people.
I had a friend tell me that he does not go to the gym at the beginning of the year. He goes almost every day and he avoids it for a couple of weeks at the start of the year because is so crowded with people making exercise their new years resolution. He says that after 2 weeks, things are back to normal with just the same people as before working out.
So what do I do?
I don't even know where to start. Looking back over this year, I am amazed at the roller coaster ride. We had huge issues that I have had to deal with. The main one involved a lot of false guilt on my part. I spent a lot of time replaying things over and over in my head. A lot of rumors floated around over things that I had supposedly done. I spent a lot of time in a state of depression. Satan had me in pit where I was questioning every thing I did and every word I said. I decided that it would just be better if I stopped talking to women at church. I kept everything very cordial and polite but I stopped letting people into my life. I avoided church when I could. I made excuses most Sundays to come home early or not go at all. Church became a place where I felt the most guilty. I did not want to go and lost all joy in going. I was hurt over the rumors and gossip. I lost dear friends.
I had to examine my heart and motives. I had to confess some things but discovered that the rumors flying around were false, despite what everyone was saying about me.
I still am dealing with the issue but have decided that I am going to let God fight this battle for me. I know what I said and did not say. I have had to ask dear friends that I can no longer dialog about the whole issue. That was very hard for me to do. I enjoy talking to other ladies but I am very honest and sometimes share too much and put people in a bad light to others. That is never my intent.
I have had to learn to guard my tongue every day.
I have had to learn that sometimes you have to let people go because of the toxicity that they bring to your life.
God is slowly brining me out of the pit. Because of all the toxicity in my life this year I had stopped really praying. I had been in my war room every day but then I stopped because I was hurt and depressed. I felt guilty and that I was not worthy of coming before the Lord. The truth is, I am not. It is only through the work of Jesus on the cross that I can come before the Lord.
I missed that time every morning with the Lord but I just could not get back to my war room. It got dusty and became a space for the kids to put their things. I would go back in every once in a while and try to start again. It did not stick. I felt too unworthy. I was right where Satan wanted me.
It is a slow process allowing God to help me climb out of the pit. It begins with prayer and the Word of God. That is what I have been neglecting.
I lost my joy in the presence of the Lord.
So this year. 2017. I again chose JOY as my word of the year. One thing I am doing this year to find that JOY is to pray in my war room and dig into the word of God once again. I need to clean my war room out. Get rid of the dust and break it in again. Make it a place of comfort and peace. I want to run out of room on the walls with the things God is teaching me. I want my children to see me pray and really get back to a vibrant relationship with Christ.
I want to keep the past year in the past. I want to move on to healing and JOY.
"Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old.
Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."
Isaiah 43:18-19
"My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips,
when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night;
for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy,
My soul clings to you, your right hand upholds me."
Psalm 63:5-8
"This year, let us ask God to dissolve our hopes into a single hope to know Christ and be found in Him. May this year be a year to desire a radically transformed deeper, truer, knowing of Christ as our All-Suffcient One. "- Elisabeth Elliot
I think we all have the best intentions at the beginning of the New Year. It seems like by the second week of January most of us have forgotten those decisions we made. I know that it is something that I have always struggled with. I make this big list of things to do or things I want to do. I think the most that I have done is a few months. That is actually good compared to most people.
I had a friend tell me that he does not go to the gym at the beginning of the year. He goes almost every day and he avoids it for a couple of weeks at the start of the year because is so crowded with people making exercise their new years resolution. He says that after 2 weeks, things are back to normal with just the same people as before working out.
So what do I do?
I don't even know where to start. Looking back over this year, I am amazed at the roller coaster ride. We had huge issues that I have had to deal with. The main one involved a lot of false guilt on my part. I spent a lot of time replaying things over and over in my head. A lot of rumors floated around over things that I had supposedly done. I spent a lot of time in a state of depression. Satan had me in pit where I was questioning every thing I did and every word I said. I decided that it would just be better if I stopped talking to women at church. I kept everything very cordial and polite but I stopped letting people into my life. I avoided church when I could. I made excuses most Sundays to come home early or not go at all. Church became a place where I felt the most guilty. I did not want to go and lost all joy in going. I was hurt over the rumors and gossip. I lost dear friends.
I had to examine my heart and motives. I had to confess some things but discovered that the rumors flying around were false, despite what everyone was saying about me.
I still am dealing with the issue but have decided that I am going to let God fight this battle for me. I know what I said and did not say. I have had to ask dear friends that I can no longer dialog about the whole issue. That was very hard for me to do. I enjoy talking to other ladies but I am very honest and sometimes share too much and put people in a bad light to others. That is never my intent.
I have had to learn to guard my tongue every day.
I have had to learn that sometimes you have to let people go because of the toxicity that they bring to your life.
God is slowly brining me out of the pit. Because of all the toxicity in my life this year I had stopped really praying. I had been in my war room every day but then I stopped because I was hurt and depressed. I felt guilty and that I was not worthy of coming before the Lord. The truth is, I am not. It is only through the work of Jesus on the cross that I can come before the Lord.
I missed that time every morning with the Lord but I just could not get back to my war room. It got dusty and became a space for the kids to put their things. I would go back in every once in a while and try to start again. It did not stick. I felt too unworthy. I was right where Satan wanted me.
It is a slow process allowing God to help me climb out of the pit. It begins with prayer and the Word of God. That is what I have been neglecting.
I lost my joy in the presence of the Lord.
So this year. 2017. I again chose JOY as my word of the year. One thing I am doing this year to find that JOY is to pray in my war room and dig into the word of God once again. I need to clean my war room out. Get rid of the dust and break it in again. Make it a place of comfort and peace. I want to run out of room on the walls with the things God is teaching me. I want my children to see me pray and really get back to a vibrant relationship with Christ.
I want to keep the past year in the past. I want to move on to healing and JOY.
"Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old.
Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."
Isaiah 43:18-19
"My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips,
when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night;
for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy,
My soul clings to you, your right hand upholds me."
Psalm 63:5-8
"This year, let us ask God to dissolve our hopes into a single hope to know Christ and be found in Him. May this year be a year to desire a radically transformed deeper, truer, knowing of Christ as our All-Suffcient One. "- Elisabeth Elliot
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