May 13, 2015 A Day of Rest and the Tapestry

May 13, 2015

A Day of Rest

We did nothing today.

No parks.

No hours long drive.

We needed a little break so we planned a day where we did nothing.

That was not the original plan by the way.

The Alamo was on the agenda. BUT….

We woke up to a deluge of rain.

A soaking, cool rain that flooded roads everywhere.

Carl got up and fixed a breakfast of eggs and bacon. He loves to do it even when the bacon sets off the smoke alarm in the camper. Even when he drops my egg onto the hot stove top, accidently. Even when his wonderful wife throws away his grease collecting can and he has to put the bacon grease in a pan. Even when 8 children are underfoot as it is raining so hard outside that we can barely hear each other speak.

Among all the chaos of 10 people being forced to be together in a camper with little ones coloring and big ones folding their bodies up into tight spaces. Among the wife who is researching things to do in the rain while in San Antonio. Among the thunderstorm warnings and tornado watches and flash flood warnings. Breakfast, or now lunch by the time we finished, was a success. It was nice to not have to rush through breakfast and actually enjoy our meal.

We realized too late that our leisurely breakfast/lunch caused us to lose track of time and we now had to rush around packing up the camper to be out of the campground by noon. Fort Sam Houston was booked for the night so we had to drive about 30 minutes to Lackland Air Force Base that had space for us. We packed up quickly (in the rain) and were off.

After finding the RV Park at Lackland, I threw some chili in the crock pot for dinner and we headed out the door for a rare treat for our family – a movie. Our original plan had been to go see the Alamo but it is no fun in the rain. I was able to find a cheap movie theater that was playing Do You Believe? I had been wanting to see that movie so I was excited.

The movie was really good and I cried. A lot. Maybe it was seeing the pregnant woman and her giving birth that reminded me of Asa. Then when the pastor started talking about the tapestry that God is weaving I cried harder. The kids enjoyed the movie and Tirzah was able to walk around a bit as there were only 3 other people in the theater besides our family.

We came home to a dinner of chili and roasted potatoes.

We did some laundry and then Carl took the little boys for a walk while Esther gave Tirzah a shower. I was finally able to get some posts up since we had WiFi. I was even able to get a nice shower without any child banging on the door wanting something.

The kids are now working on falling asleep. I am here with my computer reflecting on the day. I read Ecclesiastes this morning and Song of Solomon. We continued to listen to A Cry From Egypt by Hope Auer. It is funny hearing a voice on the recording and hearing a “Hey, that is …” from the back of the car. Most of the actors who helped Hope with the audio drama attend our church or work with Spiritual Twist Productions. The kids are enthralled and ask for it to be turned on as soon as I get in the car, even if we are just going 10 minutes up the road.

Reflecting on the day, I was struck in the movie today about the whole idea of the tapestry, how our life is part of this tapestry that God is weaving. While he is weaving we do not understand all he is doing. We cannot see the big picture. One day though he is going to turn over the tapestry and we will be able to see the masterpiece that he has woven through our lives. Everything that happens in our lives serves to make the tapestry that much more beautiful. Each thread that is woven is a trial or a lesson learned or a blessing or a struggle. It all works together to create something beautiful. We may not understand it now but one day God will reveal to us how everything fits together.

It got me to thinking about the past year. I know it seems crazy to be thankful for a miscarriage but I have learned so much from that one event. Losing Asa rocked me to the core of who I was and made me reexamine my whole life. If not for losing Asa we would not be on this incredible journey right now.

Sitting here in this camper in the middle of Lackland Air Force Base in San Antonio, Texas would not be. My life would be the same as it was last year and year before that. Losing a child kind of makes you take a look around and see the world and your life in a whole new light. I knew that I lacked JOY and I set out on a journey to find it.

So yes, the thread that was weaved into my tapestry that is labeled miscarriage was hard.

So Hard.

The hardest thing I have ever gone through.

I don’t know if I will ever truly recover.

But I see know that God used that pain to bring JOY. Such JOY.

That part of the tapestry is one that changes the rest. It changes who I am. It changes everything. For the good. For the very good.

 So yes, pain and sorrow and tears (lots of tears).

 But also JOY and GLADNESS and learning and knowledge and a closer walk with God.

The hard times in our lives are part of who we are in Christ. It teaches us and guides us and pushes us and breaks us and fixes us and makes us grow closer to God…if we let them.

I chose JOY in the hard times.

 I chose REJOICING.

I chose GLADNESS.

I chose to walk this road of pain with the knowledge that it is making me STRONGER every day because every day I am losing more and more of myself and finding more and more of CHRIST.

 And He is my JOY and GLADNESS and the reason I REJOICE.